This week I enrolled my children in childcare. We’re only on the waiting list, we probably won’t get in for another 6-12 months, but it has a huge advantage – we can now go in anytime we want and play. You see it’s called orientation, as long as I’m there looking after the girls it all counts as time getting used to the facilities, carers and other kids. They actually encourage it because it makes it so much easier for kids than starting cold and I’m not going to say no to the girls getting to play with cool equipment and other kids! What an easy afternoon for me!
Because we live in a small town there isn’t much for kids to do – no library time, music groups, shopping centres or play centres and only one uncovered playground, which isn’t much use when it’s 40 degrees. There is a nice little playgroup and some sports, but it depends on which parents are volunteering and what they can do. The big girl goes to preschool in the afternoons and wants to play with her friends afterwards, but most of them go to daycare. And the little one is getting closer to 3, I vividly remember at that age it was like a switch had been flipped and suddenly the big girl wanted to play with other kids, not just me. Which brings us to daycare, and we’ve asked for one or two afternoons a week. That way I can drop the big girl at kindy, walk the little girl next door to daycare and drop her off, then big girl will go with her friends when the daycare kids are picked up from kindy and they will have the afternoon together there.
The only fly in the ointment is my completely irrational sense of guilt. It’s not so much mother-guilt in this case (although the little one has only just started letting me go to the toilet at playgroup, leaving her at daycare on her own will need a lot of lead time!) as guilt over not doing my job properly. As a full time mother I think of it as my job, so this feels like I’m slacking and taking time off. On the other hand – if someone’s job was 7 days a week, 12 hours a day plus random calls during the night, wouldn’t they be entitled to an afternoon or two a week? It’s completely unnatural for mothers or parents to have sole 24/7 responsibility for kids – usually they would have a host of grandmothers, aunts, co-wives and friends to help them! If we lived near our families the girls would be spending time with them, unfortunately we don’t and we’re on our own. So I’m concentrating on all the positives here:
- The girls will have heaps of room to ride on bikes without getting in each other’s way (this is definitely top of the list :)).
- I get regular child free time that isn’t after 9pm, something that has never happened.
- They both get to play with other kids.
- They get to play with lots of climbing and swinging toys that we don’t have other access to.
- The little girl will have to share.
- Depending on what day we get, my husband and I might be able to say hello to each other without a child talking non-stop.
- They both get time without me.
Childcare seems to be such a polarised issue, with people having such strong opinions both ways. And this doesn’t take into account people’s different needs, circumstances and personalities. I think childcare is like any other tool – it can be good or bad, depending on how it is used. In this case I have looked at the pros and cons before making the decision to enrol them. I know intellectually that there are a lot of advantages for our whole family, even if it doesn’t happen for another 12 months. And I’ve made a positive, conscious decision that I will look at the advantages and enjoy it, rather than wasting time on pointless, unneccesary guilt.
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I’m personally against childcare, especially for the under 3s. But, as you say that’s based on my research, my personal beliefs and our specific family situation (a big part of which is only having one child for the next 7 months anyway!)
I know that people in different situations would be just as proactive in their research and would just come to a different conclusion than I did. I’m with you – forget the guilt! You’ve made the best decision for you, your family and your children. I’m sure (once they start) they’ll be really excited about going as well.
Exactly – It’s all about how you use it. For my girls I wouldn’t choose full time or even a full day. But an afternoon once or twice a week after spending lots of time getting used to the people and environment? That’s a positive use of the resources available to us. And other people in other situations will have different resources and make different decisions.
I’m a huge victim of guilt in many areas. One of the things I try to do to work out if there’s really a problem or if it’s just guilt talking is really look at how things will affect all of us and fit in with the rest of our lives. If the only problem is ‘shoulds’, then it’s just guilt.
I had Princess in childcare whilst I worked and she was so distressed over those 2 days that I felt constant guilt, and have probably over-compensated in so many ways ever since.
It was difficult to decide whether to send her to 3yo Kinder this year, but as we are new to our area I thought it would be a good way for her to meet new friends. I extended the hours to include some childcare hours, as this is one of the only times she spends time with other kids her age. And, I need the break. Most of my time is spenty with her alone, with Dadda at work or unavailable, so with practically all my time, usually 12-13 hours eery day, then almost every 2nd night recently, if I didn’t get the break I would be completely batty by now. Plus, it means I can do the shopping and housework in relative peace on those days, so that jobs eat into our time a little less.
I must be the odd one out as I have never ever felt guilt about putting my daughter into daycare. If it is good quality day care where the children build supportive and trusting relationships with the adults around them – then I’m all for it. “It’s completely unnatural for mothers or parents to have sole 24/7 responsibility for kids – usually they would have a host of grandmothers, aunts, co-wives and friends to help them!” Exactly and it was the sprawl of the suburbs of the 40′s and 50′s that was the beginning of the isolation for mothers and now many fathers as they do have become primary carers.
There are many opinions leaning either to the postives or the negatives but they are only opinions with not many studies being done. One recent study, however, which nailed it on the head for me found that children who were in part-time day care where more advanced in both social and academic arenas than their peers who were either full-timers in day care or stay at home with a parent.
Interestingly, the study concluded that parents who worked part time were increasingly becoming apt at balancing work and family life and tended to place more importance on quality time with their children. This is turn meant that the children in part-time day care watched much less tv than the full-timers or the stay at home kids.(My daughter (3.4 yrs old) by the way, much to her delight, has just started to watch a little bit of TV in the past two months) It was actually the stay at home children who were most disadvantaged by the copious tv watching (I know of course not all stay at home parents dump their kids in front of the tv for hours on end). Also, the part-timers’ language skills were ahead compared to their peers as well.
I have never felt guitly about my daughter being in part-time care while she is learning social skills, learning about the world and most importantly doing what kids do best – having fun! She has made wonderful friends who we see for playdates out of day care. The day care centre does not have a high staff turnover , which speaks volumes. We are lucky to get into this centre as it is highly sought after.
. But of course there will always be the naysayers who insist on women being the primary carer 24/7…and they probably voted for Tony Abbott.
I think your point about part-time is very important – most of the negative research I have seen is about children less than 3 in full time long day care. I think it’s also important to note (if that’s the same study I heard about) that it found the differences had pretty much disappeared by the end of the first school year.
And as you have noted, the differences aren’t really caused by daycare/non daycare – it’s about the quality of interactions and experiences that children get with appropriate social groups. There are a myriad of ways to provide these – they could be through playgroups, cousins, good quality childcare, kinder or sport programmes. It is up to families to find the ones that suit their needs.
Most of you know I am currently Diploma trained {so I can run a room} and am studying to be an ECT {again run a room, more responsibility – usually 2IC or director}.
I am not a huge fan of babies under 3 in child care, so I conducted research to find out if it is that harmful. It isn’t if it is a high quality child care centre with qualified staff. The studies showed that the cortisol levels of the bubbas were significantly lower in these centres compared to low quality centres.
Also research has shown to provide better academic and social interactions in the later years of life.
Though I cannot stress enough you need to find a high quality centre. This is not always easy as there are around 3 days of the accreditation period and I have known centres to put an act on during this time. I am not saying they are all bad, I am just saying, look very carefully.
Most importantly, I agree with Deb. It is your families choice at the end of the day.. No one should make you feel guilty for that choice.
And Deb yes you do deserve a day off once an a while! My fingers are crossed the little one has great days without you xx
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